Prayer Rug// Salli

My mother’s prayer rug has seen faith and faithlessness
Doubt marking foreheads as we bow to Allah
There is no god but god
Legs folded reciting the Fatiha
I’ve seen men die martyrs his name on their lips
They want a saviour
5 pillars and yet none that’ll give my mother the strength
Some nights she wakes up screaming swearing she’s seeing demons
Holding the Quran to her chest
She says Allah will surely bless
Eyes covered but all-seeing
Is it mercy that you’re seeking?
My mother’s prayer rug has seen faith and faithlessness
Doubt marking foreheads as we bow to Allah
There is no god but god
And my god is silent
My god shifts seas and makes weary eyes dream
Of Jannah, of Jahannam, of the mizan as it measures our deeds
I only pray for guidance in the face of adversity
Mercy in the face of violence
And for a god that will judge me by the strength of my conscience
My mother’s prayer rug has seen faith and faithlessness
Doubt marking foreheads as we bow to Allah
There is no god but god
and my god is selfish
How can you tell me to have faith when I’ve seen the way my mother has suffered
Crossing a war zone her body shielding children seeds barely sown those bullets watered us

named us refugees
Where do I seek asylum after lost faith?
I’m writing letters with no addresses hoping I can deliver
Praying to a god and I hope he delivers

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This poem is a reflection of my struggle in Islam while searching for God. Today I am a follower of Christ & I can’t help but have gratitude for how intentional Yahweh is. When I look back at my life I see his profound presence & rejoice knowing I am loved and that everything that has happened has happened for me. I am indeed the rose that grew from the concrete.I finally can see! ✨